This morning I had one of those rare treats that I’ve learned one must savour and languish in that moment for as long as possible. Yes I got to sleep in, and when I woke up had three realizations:

1. For the first time in a long while I was feeling truly rested, and thus felt a clarity in my mind that has become rare. I haven’t thought about it, but it’s hard to notice the fog and haze until it’s gone - kind of like not realizing the damage you’re doing to yourself until after you quit smoking and realize how beautiful it is to breathe deeply again.

2. I had one of those dreams that is of the utmost importance to hold on to and process a little further. One of those dreams that deals with some large issue you’re facing and if you can just hold onto to it and not let it slip into your subconscious, you might actually realize you’ve been given part of the answer.

3. As long as I did not move a muscle, I was lying in such a position that I did not feel the slightest bit pregnant. Except for the need to get up for the washroom, I would have stayed there all day in that position. Oh cursed bladder!

My dream last night was likely about my decision recently to make an effort to get published as a writer (at least that’s my interpretation). This has been a long term goal of mine for many years but I’ve never taken the time to try and accomplish this and often find myself procrastinating and nay saying before I even start. In my dream, I was sitting amongst some very talented artists who were painting, sculpting, drawing and their work was absolutely amazing and beautiful. Perhaps the most beautiful I had ever seen. And I had the impression that this was my circle of friends, though I felt distant from them.

We were sitting around in my dream: I with a blank easel in front of me, and they with this beautiful work. As they were working and I was basically sitting, we were discussing our past lives. When it was my turn, I threw down my brush and became very angry because I realized I didn’t fit in. I began to lament how all my life I had been a scientist with set rules for how to do things. Creativity was not my calling, because I had never taken the time to nurture that and it was too late. And then I looked down and there was a small quote, I think it’s one I had maybe partially read at the library the day before, but only in passing , and was something like “It is the human condition to be creative. We are all creative in our way.” And then my anger and frustration passed, and the rest of the dream is kind of a hazy fog now. Hopefully I held on to the most important part.

When I woke up I realized, this is probably the niggling fear keeping me from trying my hardest at writing and making a living at writing - the fear that I’m just simply not creative enough. And because of this fear, I just keep putting my writing and creative side on the back burner for fear of failure. And though I do live in the realm of statistics and numbers and recipes and operating procedures under all that there must be some free,creative spirit. I don’t know what I’m going to do about that yet, but at least I’m thinking about it. And I think it’s important enough to share because too many of us are in the same position - wanting to accomplish something for ourselves but being too afraid to face it or try it for fear of failing at what it is we care most about.

I read something once a long time ago (perhaps as far back as my childhood) that I think about often even today: God never gives us a dream without the talent and abilities to achieve it. Whether religious or not, I think this message is so inspirational. To think that if you really decide what is important in your life - and take the time to sort out the extraneous distractions, focussing only on what is most important - you will find you have the skills at hand to accomplish your dreams. For me, the trick until now has been figuring out those dreams, and now it’s how to make them become a reality.