I think I’ve touched on this before - a lot of the time our attitude towards an event, or opinion or person truly dictates our perceptions. We all know if we’re having a bad day, chances out it started with us being in a less than stellar mood. The same is true about stay-at-home mothering - the more we focus on the negative side, the worse the prospect looks. On the other hand, the corporate world has its own issues and negative side - from pay inequality to dealing with bureaucracy to having to sooth others’ egos in order to not ruffle any feathers. And truly, the countless studies that suggest the benefits to the family, children, and husband in having the mother stay at home show me more than enough that for now anyway, home is my place. The point of my article this month is not about whether or not staying at home is the right decision to make: that’s a choice each and every one of us have to make on our own - should we be fortunate enough to have a choice. Instead, I was more thinking about the fairness of having to make a choice in the first place. I am all about leaving options open, and one thing I have a hard time tolerating is having decisions made for me when I don’t feel it’s necessary. I don’t think it should be black and white - stay at home or have a career. Why can’t it be easier to blend the two, if that is what we want to do?

In today’s world, people seem to have to work more than ever - gone are the 40 hour work weeks replaced by 5o hours or more - at least if you want to be successful. I truly think it’s nearly impossible to keep up this pace, keep the children happy and well adjusted, and have time for your own personal sanity. Never mind your relationship with your spouse, or family bonding time. This goes for men and women alike- the working partner or the staying-at-home one are equally affected. We are expected to be “married” to our work far more than is healthy for ourselves or our families. Aside from that, I think that in this world we should not have a door close on us because we make a decision for the betterment of our families - after all what’s more important? And why doesn’t corporate America realize this and try to make some changes in order to keep their talent? The working world can and should accommodate working families - flexible work weeks, part time work in professional fields, job sharing, in-house day care - all of these are viable options that are underused in the professional world. And yet they are options that would greatly simplify the lives of people trying to raise families, while allowing us the option of keeping in touch with our chosen profession.

I feel incredibly fortunate that I have a choice at all - there are many families who need both incomes just to make ends meet. What about these poor men and women who may want to stay at home and simply cannot afford it? I’ve been in this boat, and it wasn’t fun either. I guess I hate having the choice taken away from me, and think with a little work and better social structure, there should and can always be a choice. (And incidentally, a choice that either way we should not be made to feel bad about, but that’s a different subject.)

Call me crazy, but I just don’t feel as though we should have our choices limited and have doors close simply because we are choosing to have a family.

Tot’s Mom commented on my post and article, and I thank her for bringing up the point that it’s about perspective. Really in life and in dealing with how it is in the world for now, it is all about perspective and stay at home mothering is no exception. Here’s a quote of what she had to say:
“I never thought I would end up as a SAHM myself being a career woman that I am. At first, it was a bit tough adjusting. But somehow, after more than 2 years of staying home, working in the corporate world with all its office politics and stress don’t really seem that attractive anymore. I guess our perspectives do change sometimes.”

I can definitely agree that the transition from working to being at home is just that and it takes some time to get used to. After just over a year, I still have days I miss the working world. Then I clear my head and remember the heartaches and challenges I faced there were far more difficult than what I face at home. And I see how happy my son is and know that for me I’ve made the right choice. That being said, I don’t see any good reason for the need to make such a drastic either/or choice in the first place. I certainly see that one must make a decision, but it’s far more limited than it needs to be - and that in my opinion is a commentary on our society and its values. I just would rather the choices we face not be so black and white and that if tomorrow I decided to go back to work that it would be an easier transition back. Again, I like my cake, but only if I can eat it too.