Yesterday morning was hell on earth. My first day alone with my two sons (well, first full day), and it started as such as disaster I thought I was going to lose it. When I crumbled into a teary mess, I stopped and thought about why things were going so poorly despite my positive attitude leading into the day. And then I realized, I just need to let some things go, at least until I get the hang of my new life! Here’s what I was trying to accomplish in the morning - all before 11am.

1. Lucas decided yesterday was a great day to have a growth spurt. He fed 3 times in five hours - and since I have to supplement formula and breastfeed, feedings take about 45 minutes to an hour. You do the math.
2. In between feeding Lucas, I cleaned bottles and made formula for the day.
3. I cleaned my kitchen - dishes into dishwasher, cleaned the fridge, counters etc.
4. Cleaned the cat litter.
5. Laundry - three loads washed, dried, and folded.
6. Played with Jaden - we read and did puzzles in between all the work. Truthfully, I did not spend nearly the time with Jaden that I wanted to because I felt so overwhelmed with all the work I was doing.
7. My house has become cluttered so I started putting things away. Then I realized I had no room for all of Jaden’s new puzzles and therefore felt an urgent need to find room. I emptied out bins and rearranged a cupboard, moving magazines and coloring books into new bins to free up cupboard space for all the puzzles.

At the end of the morning, what was I left with? An aching back, an older son who felt like I was too busy to play with him, a tremendous feeling of guilt at not playing with Jaden as much as I wanted to, and a sense of not getting it all done - and still a gazillion things left to do. Once I sat for a moment, I realized it simply was not worth it. All that work will still be there later, and the more I was doing, the more I felt like needed to get done.

So guess what I did in the afternoon? I made supper, did crafts, played with Jaden and taught Jaden how to play with Lucas. That was it and all. And my afternoon was wonderful! Things need to get done certainly, but there’s a balance to be had. It’s so easy to get caught up in what needs to be done we lose sight of what’s important, and not only that if we’re not careful enough we can sacrifice our happiness and that of our family for a clean living space.

This morning I thought out what would be best to accomplish today and then pared it by half.  The day is half done and I don’t have even that nearly done and I must admit it’s difficult not to feel stressed out because I can’t get it all done.  I’m wondering, is this my personality or is it that we are taught growing up and living in today’s society that we feel as though we have to fill our days with work?