My son ignores me - I am white noise in his world and must sound like “Jaden, wah wah wah wah wah wah” (think: the teacher in Peanuts).  Needless to say this is excruciatingly exasperating.  I thought I had tried everything, including easing up on the rules a bit, but to no avail.  Am I raising a hell raiser?!?  Or just a normal four year old?  And isn’t this supposed to happen when a kid is a teenager instead of a four year old?!?  And what’s going to happen to me in ten short years when he is a teenager if this is his behaviour now?

I try to sit down and have conversations with Jaden to explain any given behaviour is inappropriate but it’s almost as though he just can’t listen to me.  He won’t make eye contact when it’s a serious talk, and he often tries to change the subject or ignore the subject altogether.  Can a four year old have a serious conversation? Or is it normal for them to just continually go off on their own tangent without acknowledging what the other person is saying?  We try to explain how a conversation works: the old you speak, I acknowledge what you say and in return say something relevant.  Jaden will hear us talk and turn around and say something completely of his own topic, without ever acknowledging that we’ve said something to him.  Again I wonder, is this normal four year old boy behaviour?  I’m not sure because it seems so foreign to me.  He’s a bright boy who will sit and listen to stories and do puzzles and can nearly read, but when it comes to social graces, he has a lot to learn (also table manners, but that’s a different topic entirely).  Teaching the art of the conversation is challenging - though I know he gets it because if I do to him what he’s doing he’s quick to point out he was saying something (at least the message is getting through, if not being put into practice).  Maybe it’s just his way of dealing with negative feedback about his behaviour.

The other day I talked about putting too much pressure on children, and expecting too much of them.  And so I think and hope this is the case.  After all my son is just four, he may not yet fully understand cause and effect, consequences and repercussions.  In trying to back off somewhat though I am seeing more of this kind of behaviour.  I don’t want to raise someone who just complies, or who fears me because I am the Punisher - but I want to know I can trust Jaden to be a well behaved child when all is said and done.

Then again, he’s had a lot to adjust to in the last year and a half - we moved to New York state from Hawaii, and he left behind his friends and daycare - though only 2 and a half when we moved, he still talks about his friends there. He was home with me for quite some time here and then all of a sudden Lucas comes along who needs so much of my time.  His dad has been working a lot of overtime, and since my husband is typically very involved suddenly Jaden has had to adjust to not having him around as much.  That’s a handful for a child - and I know I should be more patient and understanding.  That being said, I fear our little world is slipping into anarchy….

Jaden is a gentle child - but willful.  His selective hearing and insistence on doing things that defy reason often leave me at the end of the day searching for solace in my chocolate stash.  I’m running out of chocolate.